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Infidelity: Signs of Cheating?

Saturday, May 30, 2009


You're staring at his phone while it's ringing and it's 2:00 am. He left it behind while he talked to you about being out with his friends tonight. Who could possibly be calling from that blocked number? She told you she was working overtime and when you asked her how her day was. She could barely give you details of what happened in the workplace. What really happened?

Do you suspect your partner cheating on you? Here are signs that could lead to infidelity and clues as to help you with your decision whether you should confront them.




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Could It Be ABUSE?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009



We've heard that word at one point or another but what does it mean when you're talking about relationships - family, friendships, coworkers, and such?





Abuse can be very subtle or can be eminent yet either or can be destructive and is a mental issue from the source. It can be in the form of hitting, verbal (curse words, name calling, put downs, sexual insinuations, blackmail), or any type of behavior that causes another to become uncomfortable or in danger. It can be in the form of solely controlling money, unallowing you certain freedom that are your birth rights such as being with family and friends, going out, being able to choose what to wear. It can be threatening to harm people around you or your work/school environment. It can be mentally manipulating you into believing you're always wrong with guilt though the other person is at fault.



I grew up around abuse. My biological father used to hit me and beat me. He had a gambling problem and was an utterly frustrated man from his childhood; his father also abused him. Often times abuse comes in cycles that needed to be broken because it can become habitual through generations. I recall going to school and there would be welts on my back and the math teacher had to sit with me until police officers spoke to my father and then later had court orders issued to him for a social worker to visit me every so often as well as my parents having to serve a certain amount of hours of parenting classes. My mother was very hard on me, especially coming from a very traditional Filipino family, failure is never an option. Anything less than an honor roll student status in that household was not accepted. I was never allowed out of the home to play with the other kids or friends. I was never given the opportunity to experience an open childhood like everyone else. Much of what I felt was hidden, unexpressed, and deprived. My father was also abusive to my mother and my mother was very passive of the things that happened to me because of her fear that he would in turn resort to harming her. My life was difficult because my parents were so focused on perfection that they failed to see me as their daughter instead of a merit.

The question some of you may be asking is why did he get so angry towards you? I was the scapegoat of the family. I never talked back to my father until I was seventeen when one day I told him if he needed something, he needs to ask instead of demand everyone in the household of what to do all the time. I don't know what got into me that day but I said it and soon enough he started making noises downstairs and breaking things. He always broke things. My mother's favorite Italian ceramic fountain - he broke one day because she wouldn't give him money to gamble. Much of the abuse in the home was derived from my father and revolved around him. Because I would never be let out of the house, I used to make excuses that I was going to cheerleading practice to hang out at a friend's house because it was the only was I could be out even just an hour after school and even then he did not like it. I would get beat for it.

Thereafter, I became involved with my boyfriend in high school whom I was with for seven years and took his abuse as well. I gave up much of my life to set aside for whatever he wanted and needed and in return, he would always cheat on me, lie to me, leave bruises on my body, make excuses, and make me look like a bad person for not giving in to what he wanted. Whenever I would confront him of his behavior, he'd in turn try to turn the tables and try to accuse me of not being able to move forward and blame me for "acting immature" or "acting up." Although what he did not see was that I was not only older than him by age, I was wiser by the years knowing that I was more intelligent than him and a better person. My only stupidity was staying around with a person like that for so long. Signs of abuse in that relationship was that he was also able to be around whomever he pleased and expected me to be at home and without my friends. He made my life revolve around him without ever giving back to me. He would always defend his friends instead of me even when he knew they were wrong, he always found an excuse to disregard my feelings despite anything positive I brought into the relationship and my good intentions and efforts. Any money we had acquired together, he spent it by himself or with his friends. And again, like my father - he had in common with him the fact that his father abused him and abused his mother. Needless to say, that relationship no longer exists between us.

My point is that often when people get abused for so long, they in turn, get used to the behavior and become involved with more relationships that abuse them because it becomes a mental process that they believe they can endure, often even leading to the notion that they themselves can change the abuser. The abuser can only change themselves and never does the change happen over night.

For more information on abuse, visit the recommended websites:
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8479&cn=2
http://www.domesticviolence.org/
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Are you a victim of abuse? Please visit the following link or see a local community center for more information on how you can get aid. The link provides information for each state within the U.S. on how to get support for shelter, advice, protection, and all types of other assistance:

http://www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList_73.html

Have you ever been a victim of domestic abuse or know someone who has?

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IT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE. DON'T BE A STATISTIC.


For emergencies, visit a local police station for details on how to get a restraining order or help in order to avoid the abuser under extreme conditions or dial 911 at the scene of violence. Many times if you dial 911 and it is not an emergency situation such as verbal threats and arguements, they may disregard your phone call as it is not regarded an emergency situation unless there are insinuations to physically harm you. Check your local listings or http://www.yellowpages.com/ to see the listing of your local police station in the event of a non-emergency but need to notify them of a suspicious situation and advice on how to proceed.



Without help, domestic abuse will only increase in occurences and worsen as it is left without intervention from proper help. Seek immediate help from family, friends, neighbors, religious groups, and other sources to get what you need to distance yourself from an abusive situation. If anyone tells you or makes you believe otherwise, stop and go to the next source available. Sometimes, people will try to justify abuse by telling the victim that it is because the abuser has so much love and feeling for them that they react that way, it's because he has other issues that he has no control of how he acts, the abuser is only expressing his concern. All of this is untrue. A person who cares about someone else will never have them sacrifice a beneficial thing for themselves like time with family and friends, school, work, their religion, their usual practices unless any of these things cause a negative influence upon that person. Regardless, abuse is never an answer.

As the recession continues, issues of domestic violence and abuse are increasing due to financial issues, stress, struggling, and frustration. In cases like these, contact someone for help today. Death related to domestic abuse has gone up 33% according to statistics accumulated from 2008.

It is a known fact that abuse has been many times linked to suicide or suicidal tendencies. If you are experiencing any of this, please seek help through not only the provided links but a health care provider of mental health and a counselor.


According to the Department of Justice, women are more likely to be the victims of domestic abuse than men and are severly more injured or hurt during the activity of domestic violence. In New York, the health department reported 44% of women's deaths were caused by harm done by people who were close to them between 2003 and 2005. They also reported that 4,000 vists that year were patients going to hospitals because of domestic abuse by their significant others. Reports according to a census research also show that in September 2008, near 61,000 people were being served a day by outreach programs dedicated to domestic abuse. Many men who do hurt their significant others have been proven to also harm their children.

For more shocking reports, I found a good source of information to click on: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art45047.asp

In California - A man kills himself, his wife, and five children because he and his wife had both lost their jobs.

Philippines - A man had a history of physical abuse towards his son and daughter who in result shot both of them eventually when he found out his wife was seeking custody of the children and leaving him.

In Pennsylvania - A man kills his wife, three year old son, and infant son by spreading gasoline all over the home and setting it ablaze. This activity stemmed from his violent history and behavior though his wife did not act upon it sooner.

In Austria - A man fathered eight children from his own daughter by locking her up in a dungeon for twenty four years. When she was finally released, she had a deteriorating illness.

In New Jersey - A woman moved away from Sacramento, California post divorce because of an abusive marriage to her husband. Her husband followed her to the state, found her in a church, shot her dead and two innocent bystanding church attenders.

The Secret

Monday, May 25, 2009

If anyone has been religiously watching Ellen or Oprah, they may have come across a segment on a book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The reason why I decided to write about this is because books of self inspiration has grown to be very popular and widely used to steer many lifestyles.








What exactly is this book about? The law of attraction.

What is believed to be Newton's law of attraction has vastly become a central philosophy that abundance in the universe can be drawn by the simple power of thought. Scientist believe this idea can be controversial and they believe the human mind can not control anything beyond the physical structure of its own body.


To contradict that, many names that have been immortalized have been the people that did possess such a trait of becoming what they believed firmly.

Although the book does possess a magnitude of self help and life changing strategies, I found a few flaws that may have people questioning certain teachings. The book teaches and relies solely that whatever you think is what you manifest. Therefore, the I think I can nature is strongly influenced. Then, in order to become important, we have to believe ourselves that we are before other people can believe it as well. While all that is beneficial to keep in mind, the book also believes that problems of other people shall not be ours nor shall we dwell on anything negative. Sometimes, this may lead to denial of our faults and we learn nothing from mistakes from doing so. Contemplation based on what we have done and reassessing ourselves is important. I believe that.


Sure, you can be a millionaire by pretending you have that money in your bank account but you'll also have to get up and do something about it in order for the amount to be depositted. Here is where the book comes in handy when it does prep you for something you may have doubted yourself before and now based on the law of attraction, you will collect this money.

My absolute thought is that this book speaks truth. How so? When you go to work and appear grouchy to your coworkers, I'm sure many times a coworker will also feel as though they have issues then pass it on to the next person and a chain reaction has then begun of negativity. The power of the human mind is a complex subject but I believe we, as human beings, understimate ourselves to the point where we think we don't have control over certain matters.

After finishing The Secret, I did notice change in my personality and well being. I'm a fairly positive and optimistic person, however, in just a matter of days, I started going back to the good things I used to love like writing. Did it attract anything else I wanted? A better outlook on life. Now, of course, life does not change within twenty four hours or even a few days but it's a start and as long as I keep the motivation to be what I want to be, to imagine exactly what I want in life, then it'd be a million times easier to reach it.

I highly recommend this book to everyone. It has quotes from philosophers, mentors, big names, and then some. It has the clues to create a better environment for yourself no matter what situation you're in.

Check out http://www.thesecret.tv/ for free print outs, motivational material, and to purchase your own copy or view some of what they have to offer. Not ready to purchase the book yet? They have e-books of material that revolves around The Secret that you can download and see for yourself what it can do for you. Check them out at: http://thesecret.tv/secret-treasures-ebooks.html

The Credit Card Bill of Rights

Sunday, May 24, 2009













President Obama has done well in his latest act of recovery. What exactly is The Credit Card Bill of Rights? It's a sigh of relief.

Let's break it down:

1. Universal defaults are now history. Now, you don't have to worry about paying Mr. Smith on his tenth collection call without making Mrs. Green raise your interest on your other credit card on her first collection call. The bottom line is that there will be no more credit card companies sticking their noses into your business with the other creditors when it comes to missed and late payments.

2. Cardholders will have more time to pay up the change needed to satisfy the bill. How does at least twenty five days sound? It sounds like I've got time so I can collect change from under the seats in the couch and on the bottom of the floor of my car, take it to a coin machine, and pay that measly $20 to $50 a month.

3. At least forty-five days prior to, if a rate changes, there will be notification. This sounds good, right?

4. Credit card consumers now have the right to select a threshold to their cards. Those who go over the limit and pay the extra fee because of "accidents" can benefit from this.

5. Double-billing cycles demolished. If you swiped that card at Victoria's Secret last month, paid it off and swiped it again this month because you realized you needed that 5 panties for $25.00 or that bikini that went on sale during the semi-annual event, you won't be charged today's interest rate based on last month's activity.

6. Payment is due by 5:00pm eastern time next month. Can you adhere to that? Many companies already go by this rule. Anything that is delivered by this time is on time.

7. The unlimited possibilities that credit card issuers insinuate in their pamphlets has ceased. Bravo, Mr. President. No one did like that whole "We can trap you with any rates, any time, on our terms, because we said so." type of phrases in the disclosures. Anytime that does happen, we get the rights to bail out and pay off whatever balance we have left at the existing rates we originally were paying. (Arbitrary Rate Increase).

8. Here's the odd ball rule out of all of them: Anyone under 21 must provide means of providing for debt when applying for a credit card or a guardian/co-signer applicant must be involved. Ok, the last time I checked, some parents did do that already with their children and we can't forget MTV's Sweet 16 celebrants whom even at fifteen years old are running around with credit cards. However, this does eliminate the student credit card when a particular eighteen year old decides to open a credit card and thinks they really need a new wardrobe for the Spring semester and can't pay it off. Their credit score then goes off the edge, falls below, and then they end up hurting later on. But truthfully speaking here, there isn't much that's going to change because of this reenforcement. Let's see, if Jen gets a day job and gets a credit card approved because she has had savings, a checking, and plans to maintain a good balance next to nothing or nothing on her credit card; however, Jen loses her job and she does live on her own as she goes to college then her parents can't provide the means to pay off her debt - that means she's pretty much stuck with it. There's all sorts of scenarios that can happen with or without this rule.

9. Got an awesome rate on your credit card? It will be guaranteed to last at least six months. That should be enough time to cover up your tracks that one time you went to Las Vegas right?

10. Consumers will have a 30-day notice before their accounts are closed.


Healthy Tips for Credit Card Consumers:

Pay your bills on time. Not only is this good for your bank account by not paying late fees and hiked up interest rates, your credit score will benefit as well. The better your score is, the less expensive is will be to finance things in the future such as that brand new car or the home you've been saving up for. No one really wants to pay double on that mortgage just because you were late a few times on that small $200.00 statement with a minimum payment of $11.00.

Shop credit card rates before you click on that pretty one with the picture of the beach. Just because it looks good in your wallet doesn't mean you should partake in the offer. Signing up for a credit card alone pulls an inquiry on your credit report. Not using it thereafter, hurts it even more. So that Hello Kitty card looks adorable, does that mean you'll pay $1.50 for a hot dog and then pay an extra quarter two months later when it's long digested and processed through the drain and sewer? Yeah, that's a disgusting thought. So is overpaying for something.

If you know you owe money and can't afford to pay the bill, call them. Let me repeat that. CALL THEM. Who? The creditors. If they are calling you, pick up the phone - immediately. Believe it or not, customer support agents are there for a reason. If you let them know that financially you're unstable for the month and making that payment would hurt you, they want to know that. What they don't want to know is that you bought a new bedspread, ran up your phone bill, and got a new dog you have to feed. They only need to know that if and when you're broke, you'll arrange to shell out a couple nickels as opposed to the hundred dollars they're asking for or if they're considerate, they'll even waive it this month and let you pay next month. The most irresponsible thing to do is leave them hanging. The last thing you want is a judgement for collections on your credit report or even worse, hearing from a collection agency that is working with an attorney that could possibly sue you for non-compliance.

You shouldn't ever charge up more than you know you can pay for. Credit cards are expensive. It's money you are borrowing to pay for, remember that. Many people have the idea that it's free money and they toss it aside. That's a No-No.

Got quite a few credit cards? Transfer them all into one card, consolidate them to the one card that gives you back the most rewards. For example, if you have that American Airlines card you're paying a fee for anyway per year, why not transfer all the balances, earn the mileage, and pay it all off at the same time or that American Express that mails you a check for cash rewards at the end of the year? That way, you don't have to worry about one being due on the 5th, one being due the 13th, and then losing the envelope to the other one you thought was due the 25th but was really due the 4th.

Lastly but certainly not the least of them all, if you really don't need a credit card - don't. Think twice before you open an account. I've seen way too many people fall into debt, despair, and challenges because of them. It's ideal to have one or two and that's to reserve in case of emergencies. It's enough to know they're there. Anything in excess to that will be harder to tame if you really are hating your minimum pay day job right now and clubbing every weekend.

According to CreditCard.com, the average household balance on credit cards are $10,600.

Squeezed Juice

Friday, May 15, 2009

What exactly is Squeezed Juice? You're about to find out.